1/10 As if you needed any additional evidence that Rotten Opinions can not be taken seriously when deciding which movies to venture out to go see in theaters, “80 For Brady”, one of the worst debacles of 2023 so far is “Certified Fresh” at 62%, which is peak Clown World stuff. A shameless attempt to capitalize on the timing of the Super Bowl, Paramount was originally going to dump this trash onto Paramount+ but decided to get a little bit more money out of it by releasing it in theaters and marketing it towards the same demographic that falls for email scams and 3AM infomercials for fake gold coins. While a horrible idea to even greenlit this script, it was a smarter financial decision to stick this into theaters, even if critics like me have to suffer so you (hopefully) won’t have to. Loosely inspired by a true story, “80 For Brady” follows four elderly women who are obsessed with Patriots QB Tom Brady and the entire Patriots team as they hope to make it to the Super Bowl before they begin to die off quicker than my hopes of the Arizona Cardinals ever winning a Super Bowl in my lifetime. As you can quickly tell from watching (which I hope you won’t), 99% of what happens in this movie didn’t happen in real life and despite being labeled a “comedy”, I didn’t laugh one time but certainly rolled my eyes, audibly exhaled/groaned and cringed once every few minutes. If you are going to tell a true story, you might want to ground the movie somewhat in reality instead of making this movie as realistic as a “Star Wars” film. Between Maura (Rita Moreno) having no money on her but being able to enter a high stakes poker game (not how that works) to security guards letting anyone into the Super Bowl just because they danced with a belligerently gay guy (which people’s four seats were they sitting in since they didn’t have tickets?) to Betty (Sally Field) being the smartest of the group yet inexplicably marrying the dumbest human being on the planet who can’t wipe his own ass without her help, nothing in this movie makes sense, is grounded in any realism or will make you laugh. The lone point I give the movie is due to the chemistry between the four leading ladies and the fact that their relationship does feel genuine. Besides that, it is insanely embarrassing to have multiple Oscar winners degrade themselves on this level of stupidity and everyone who made a cameo should go into hiding like Osama bin Laden after taking part in this. This is the worst thing to happen to Brady since his divorce and ending his career on a low note with the Bucs. While the few senior citizens in the theater seemed to enjoy it so your grandma very well might, anyone with an IQ above 80 or an age lower than 80 will be want to take a hard…pass…on this. There is definitely no need to see this in theaters but at least you could (meno)pause this at home so you can take a break and re-evaluate your life and why you chose to watch this in the first place.
#TheToiletBowl / #JerseyBore / #Gaytriots / #NotFondaThisMovie / #PenaltyOnTheSallyField / #WestSideLineStory
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