0.5/10 I know that January is one of the two “dump months” (along with September) when film studios dump their garbage movies that weren’t good enough to be released during the Christmas/Oscar season, but I couldn’t have imagined that I would already have a valid candidate for the worst movie of 2023 when I have yet to fully reflect upon 2022’s film offerings still. I watched the original 1990 “House Party” in anticipation for this monstrosity and while the original is not a good movie by any means, there were a few likeable aspects. The lead characters were flawed but fun and entertaining, Robin Harris as Pop was actually funny as the best character and some of the music/dance choreography worked really well. Flash forward 33 years later and “writers” Jamal Olori and Stephen Glover who fell out of the talentless and humorless tree, hitting every branch on the way down pen this absolute disgrace. For a supposed “comedy”, I think that not laughing once but instead groaning and rolling my eyes every few minutes is the exact opposite result that they were aiming for. How this script got greenlit is incomprehensible to me. I’m not the smartest genius on Earth but being smarter than anyone and everyone who worked on this garbage in any way does make me feel pretty superior to a lot of these Hollywood goons. When your director is credited as Calmatic (more like Problematic), it is easy to see why he wasn’t allowed to direct any previous movies to this one. Warner Brothers and New Line Cinema must have been told in a woke, corporate boardroom meeting that they needed at least one diversity hire movie per year and so they were obligated to pop out this disaster which isn’t even fit for the bottom of the $1 bin at Walmart. This movie isn’t worth torrenting for free. I can’t stress enough at how horrible and dated the “jokes” in this movie are. Despite the horrendous jokes about Black Lives Matter, this movie is so bad that it will probably cause more racism towards the black community. The original had a decent soundtrack but this has one of the worst soundtracks I have ever heard that makes a Fast & Furious movie soundtrack seem like a Tarantino soundtrack in comparison. Even the cameos in the movie come from the most dated, irrelevant D-listers who haven’t been relevant since before the Twin Towers came down (which was sadly still funnier than this torture). Such star power as Walter Emanuel Jones (the original black power ranger who has done nothing since), Lena Waithe (who makes the horrendous Leslie Jones look attractive in comparison), Mýa (who was last popular for her “Moulin Rouge!” song…in 2001), dumbass Mark Cuban (who I wish would fall into a literal shark tank), LeBitch…uh, I mean LeBron James (paired with “Space Jam: A New Legacy” equates to a double feature that makes suicide seem absolutely charming), Kid ‘n Play (who fell off the face of the Earth since the original movie) and a bunch of talentless, mumble rappers who look more like a police line-up than party extras. The cast is horrendous with Tosin Cole as Damon, doing his best to pretend to be Kevin Hart but failing completely and a bunch of other no names actors who need to fire their agents immediately. Kid Cudi pops in but when one of the main characters recognizes him from “Pursuit of Happiness” from 2009…that tells us that Cudi hasn’t done anything meaningful since then. From the antiwhiteism to the generic plot (“Superbad” even gets ripped off) to downgrading from the original (the choreographed dances are horrible) to the ear bleeding soundtrack to the fact that Holocaust documentaries are funnier than this, brings us an early front runner for 2023’s worst movie. Despite the vast majority of the year in front of us, “House Party” will be hard to beat. If you or a loved one turns this trash on, call the cops so they can come cancel your lame house party.

#MidNGay / #Trainwreck3 / #LeBronLames / #PursuitOfCrapiness / #NotAChampionshipRingingEndorsement / #LetsGetThisPartyHalfHearted

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