2/10 Vampires as a concept are pretty cool so it takes a lot of effort to make them lame (see the “Twilight” movies for evidence) but director Jessica M. Thompson and screenwriter Blair Butler are up to the task. Blair should quit screenwriting and actually become a butler since she has no skills when it comes to writing. This monstrocity is actually a total rip off of “Get Out” with a bit of “Ready or Not” thrown in as well. Here’s the thing; if you are gonna borrow or steal from superior films, they have to be older films so the audience won’t immediately recognize what you are doing. People like Quentin Tarantino know this. But when you completely rip off “Get Out” and that film is only five years old, how do you think you are going to get away with it? How is this vampire movie like “Get Out”? I’m glad you asked. Both movies have a minority protagonist who gets invited to a seemingly innocent, secluded family function. Both events are full of white people, making the protagonist feel uncomfortable and seem out of place. Both groups of hosts/attendees have a dark, secret agenda and have lured the protagonist there with no intentions of ever letting them leave. Both protagonists have another minority friend to chat on the phone/text with for comedic relief. Both protagonists are captured and have to find a way to escape and survive. I could go on but I think you get the point. It’s like Blair Butler watched “Get Out” and decided to completely rip it off but throw in some vampires so we won’t notice. We noticed. Even the “comedic” banter between the protagonist’s friend steals directly from Lil Rey Howery’s Rod Williams character in the beginning of the movie. Jordan Peele should sue for plagiarism. At least the comedic relief from Howery was funny but here it is completely cringe worthy and eye roll inducing. Besides being unoriginal and uninspired, this movie is predictable and 90% set up with only 10% payoff at the very end. The trailer shows how our protagonist Evie (Nathalie Emmanuel) realizes that everyone around her are vampires but that scene doesn’t come until the third and final act. The set up takes way too long for such a little pay off and the romance that comes in the first and second act is far less interesting than someone fighting their way out of a den of vampires. Since the movie aims to maintain its PG-13 rating, it has adult characters say words like “frick” and “freaking” instead of the F word. It was painfully clear that these characters wouldn’t speak this way but they had to keep the language clean to keep its rating and it feels ridiculous. The movie is rampant with cheap jump scares, clichés and ridiculous moments. Why vampires would keep the few objects that can kill them strewn about their place of living is just beyond me. The only positive aspects I can give to this movie is that Emmanuel does have a terrific screen presence and does the best she can with such a garbage script. The pacing is fine so even though nothing exciting happens until the third act, at least the movie moves along quickly. The score, while somewhat forgettable, was unique and strong in the moment when you watch the movie. Those positives aside, you should avoid this lazy movie like fangs to the throat and instead go watch “Get Out”. You should…get out…of the theater if this garbage starts playing.

#IdKillForABite / #DudSweatAndFears / #TheFangOfTheFurious / #HalfBlackula / #DejaVuWithAVampire / #FromDuskTillYawn

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