2.5/10 In 1984 Robert Zemeckis directed a film called “Romancing the Stone” with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. Directors Aaron and Adam Nee and the other two screenwriters who “wrote” this garbage must have watched that highly superior film, gotten high and decided to rip it off with something much worse for modern audiences. Before I get into why this is an awful movie that lacks originality and humor, I will give the movie credit where credit is due with the couple of minor things that worked here. Sandra Bullock as Loretta Sage is the best thing about this movie and even though she is working with a terrible script, it is good to see her making comedies again since she has generally stuck with more serious dramas as of late. She is dedicated and gives it her all, which slightly elevates this mess of a movie. As you can see from the trailer, Brad Pitt has a small role in the movie and while he is way too good for the movie overall, he is having a blast with his part and the moments where he is onscreen are the best parts of the movie. Finally, the movie is well paced so you will be entertained from start to finish and won’t grow bored at any point throughout your viewing experience. Despite those positives, this is a ridiculous, painful movie to watch. Despite our two attractive leads, Bullock and Channing Tatum didn’t have great chemistry together and the movie is extremely predictable so you know exactly how the movie ends long before you get there (you could probably guess just by watching the trailer). The movie follows other recent Paramount releases like “Sonic the Hedgehog 2” in shoving as much product placement into its running time as possible. This time we get Fiji Water (in multiple instances), Don Julio, Johnnie Walker Blue Label whiskey, Jamba Juice and several other alcoholic beverages and every time the Fiji Water or alcoholic beverage is being consumed, the label is always facing the camera for maximum exposure and peak selling out. In addition to the lack of chemistry and product placement, the plot is just ridiculous. My rule for comedies is always that you can be as ridiculous, stupid and silly as possible, so long as you are funny. If you aren’t funny, then the ridiculous nature of the plot just becomes tiresome and annoying, which is what happens here. There isn’t one realistic moment in the movie as we get a million coincidences, ex machinas, characters doing impossible things, etc. Even the villain Abigail Fairfax (Daniel Radcliffe) goes about his plot in the dumbest way imaginable and constantly complains about his brother issues, who we never get to meet and only plays into the plot via references. We get a supporting cast of forced diversity, which would be fine if the actors chosen were funny but instead we get people like Da’Vine Joy Randolph, who was the worst part of the movie due to how annoying and unfunny she was all while accomplishing unrealistic things that would have never happened in real life. In the end, I am sure most women will enjoy seeing Tatum’s abs and ass and may find more humor than I did (judging by the occasional laughter from the females in my audience) but this low brow humor which tried way too hard just came across as desperate and I’m hoping Paramount doesn’t make a sequel to this but instead closes the book on this chapter of what is a terrible movie.

#TheLostShitty / #AAronAndAdamNEEdToRetire / #ReadFromTheSameSage / #ForcesOfNature2 / #PissedArmyMan / #TheLostCityOfZzzzzz

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