2/10 As Sony Pictures has the rights to Spider-Man and all of his villains, Sony Pictures can now announce that they are 0 for 3 in terms of spinoffs following two garbage Venom movies and now a garbage Morbius movie. The next Sony spinoff is “Kraven the Hunter” and while my expectations remain low following these three duds, at least that project has a decent director attached to it. While “Morbius” is an origin story adapted from a comic book, the overarching plot about a scientist who injects themselves with their own serum before it has been properly tested (coughCovidvaccinescough) has been used in many films ranging from Norman Osborn in the original “Spider-Man” film to films like “The Lazarus Effect” and “The Invisible Man”. So one of the biggest problems with the movie is its lack of originality. The script is also just awful as we get a ton of cringe lines, particularly from the movie’s two FBI agents Simon Stroud (Tyrese Gibson) and Agent Rodriguez (Al Madrigal). The two actors have zero chemistry together and Agent Rodriguez, who is supposed to be the comic relief, doesn’t have a single funny line. I also found myself just not caring about any of the characters. I was so indifferent to every character and every situation they found themselves in. I felt like I was watching my niece’s 2nd grade play…I just didn’t give a shit. In one moment, Morbius flies from the ground floor of a building to the roof (and this is probably a 50 story building at least) yet Agent Stroud gets to the roof of the building at the same time, which is literally impossible seeing as he can’t fly. The movie is extremely inconsistent with its super powers and which person who took the serum is stronger or weaker. The villain’s transformation from good guy to bad guy happens insanely fast and I didn’t buy his 180-degree switch for a second. Morbius has to drink blood so he doesn’t attack and murder humans to drink theirs. Yet this brings about more inconsistencies. Martine Bancroft (Adria Arjona) is the completely underdeveloped love interest and only exists so the screenwriters can check the “female box” and say there is a woman character in the movie. In one scene she cuts her finger (she has apparently never opened a tuna can before) and a couple drops of blood come out, which makes Morbius tempted to drink her blood so he quickly tells her to bandage her minor wound so he doesn’t go crazy. While that makes sense, a later scene has Morbius finding his mentor/father figure who has had his stomach and neck sliced up with blood all over him. When Morbius finds him, he has zero temptation or urges with his blood, despite there being far more blood in this circumstance. That kind of lazy contradiction can be found throughout the movie in multiple scenes. The movie’s score is forgettable and in some scenes, sounded awfully familiar to the score from “The Dark Knight”, which felt like it wanted to copy the score from a superior, bat related film. Jared Leto getting into amazing shape and being extremely method for a movie of this low quality is like getting into Olympic athlete shape for your neighborhood’s annual hopscotch tournament. The Oscar winner wastes his time and talents here, as does Matt Smith and Jared Harris. Double the Jared, double the wasted talent. There is some obvious CGI and the faces of the human/vampire bat hybrids look more like zombies than vampires. The script is also overly concerned with trying to connect to the MCU as both end credits scenes not only don’t make sense, but feel forced and could have been one scene instead of two. As for what works, some of the visual effects during the fight scenes and the cinematography/lighting effects look pretty cool and are well done. The running time doesn’t overstay its welcome so the pacing is great and you won’t suffer too long (but you will still suffer). A few of the performances are well done, despite having a horrible script to work with. In the end, Sony should just sell their Spider-Man rights to Disney/Marvel since at least they know how to make decent Spider-Man related films. Sony has no idea what they are doing and wrongfully assumes they will make tons of money off of any and all superhero related projects, regardless of quality. After SIX (!!) different delays, it makes sense that this movie was finally dumped on April Fool’s Day since you’d have to be a fool to think it is a decent movie.
 
#MichaelMoreBS / #TheBloodsAndTheCripples / #HittingANewMiLow / #BatmanBegins2 / #TheBrittleThings / #DoctorFlew

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