2/10 Despite some decent video game film adaptations, there has never been a great or fantastic video game film adaptation ever made. Video game movies seem to be the elusive film genre that no one can crack with the world’s greatest directors avoiding altogether. Unfortunately for film going audiences, if you thought “Uncharted” might break the video game curse, you’d be sadly mistaken as this becomes career lows for everyone in front of and behind the camera. I haven’t played video games since I was a kid/teenager and never played any games from the Uncharted series but from all I’ve read, this movie is not faithful to the original source material and the casting couldn’t be further off if it tried. Looking at the video game characters and then Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg confirms that the casting director went for bankability/popularity over accuracy and faithfulness to the games. The plot just takes from “Indiana Jones”, “Tomb Raider”, “The Da Vinci Code” and other adventure movies, takes away the likeable characters and fun action set pieces and we are left with “Uncharted”. The massive exposition dump in the opening act felt like the screenwriters weren’t even trying to create natural dialogue and none of the supporting characters are developed. Tom Holland’s Nathan Drake feels like a male Mary Sue. Just because you have a relative who is intelligent in one field doesn’t guarantee that you know everything about the same field as well. All of Drake’s skills felt unearned, like he was simply born with them. Supporting characters are given one personality trait and that’s it. Don’t worry though, we will get some forced cat jokes that don’t land. There are countless over the top moments that are so unbelievable that you will feel like you’re watching someone playing a video game. This culminates in the ending action set piece with two giant ships and I feel like the film makers watched all of “The Fast and the Furious” movies and said to themselves, “Those movies feel too realistic and grounded in reality. Let’s go for something a little more unrealistic and over the top.” I hope Holland and Wahlberg got paid a ton of money to sell out and waste their talents here. Speaking of selling out, we get some blatant Papa John’s product placement that feels as unnatural as some of the CGI in this debacle. Tati Gabrielle plays Braddock, a main villain and she is completely miscast and devoid of anything resembling a personality. The only points this movie earns is from one plot twist that I didn’t see coming (although the way that ends with one character inheriting another character’s wealth made no sense) and the cinematography/tension during the cargo plane action scene was well done, despite being over the top. Characters are able to do impossible, unexplained things in at least five different moments that I can think of off the top of my head, as if they know the audience won’t care. It is no wonder that this movie went through SEVEN (!!) different directors before finding one dumb enough to attach his name to this piece of trash. Even if you are a fan of some of the cast like I am, this movie territory should forever remain…uncharted.

#DoubleCrossedByALiteralDoubleCross / #MusicByDrake / #TheImpossible2 / #DroveMeUpTheWahlberg / #PussInCahoots / #WorseScriptWorseMoviePapaJohns

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