2.5/10 The more Simon Kinberg writes, the more he shows how untalented and overrated he is. Since switching over to directing, he has made two bombs that ended a franchise (“X-Men”) and put one of our best actresses into some of her worst roles (Jessica Chastain needs to rid herself of this man). While I actually found “X-Men: Dark Phoenix” to not be nearly as bad as some people found it, everyone can agree that “The 355” is absolute trash and I couldn’t be happier that Universal Studios lost money on it. If you greenlit woke, uninspired garbage, don’t be surprised when audiences reject it. I don’t know how much of the eye rolling, cringe worthy lines came from Kinberg or his co-writer Theresa Rebeck but Kinberg comes off as a total simp over the course of the movie, but more on that in a bit. Right when the movie kicks off we get an action scene and the editing and cinematography were horrible. The quick cut, shaky cam nonsense is reminiscent of Paul Greengrass (the Jason Bourne movies) or the late Tony Scott where you can’t see what the Hell is going on and you are just distracted and unable to see the fight choreography that the actors probably worked for months on. One thing I will commend the film makers on is that instead of being lazy and having an all-female reboot (“Ghostbusters”, “Ocean’s Eight”), at least this concept is an original one and not riding off of the coat tails of some male lead franchise. That being said, having your cast be one big diversity checklist and pandering to women is essentially as bad as making an all-female reboot. You can tell how hard Universal is shilling to China with not only putting in a Chinese actress that no one in America knows (but she’s big in China) but also having a large portion of the movie take place in China near the end of the movie. Instead of casting and locations feeling natural to the story, they are tailor made to appease the communist Chinese and then the story is later crafted around the pandering. None of the characters are well developed, the movie becomes completely predictable (a key character dies off screen…I wonder if they will return?), the action is totally forgettable, Junkie XL phones in the score and the forced feminism is as bad as when every female superhero stood in a line during the end battle of “Avengers: Endgame”. There are a couple of horrendous lines about mansplaining and how women blame themselves for men’s mistakes and how that needs to stop so men can be held accountable. The respective lines were so forced that I was waiting for Kinberg to cameo in the movie and get castrated so he could be an ally to the feminist cause. Every male character is either evil, weak, incompetent or selfish. This isn’t the kind of feminism that lifts up women, it is the kind that tears all men down. A woke lecture masquerading as an action franchise that will never see a sequel (thank Christ), 355 seems to be the number of people who saw this disgrace in theaters. Don’t be one of them.

#JessicaChastise / #HexMen / #AMarkedStan / #MissGroan / #VanillaSpy / #SillySometimes

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