2/10 How bad is “The King’s Daughter”? This movie was finished filming in May 2014 and set for release in April 2015. This pile of hot garbage has sat in limbo for roughly seven years, eight since filming completed, because no one wanted to distribute it and lose a ton of money. Spoiler alert: Everyone here is losing money since this is deservedly an absolute bomb. It would have been better to release this in 2020 in the middle of the China Virus pandemic just because at least it wouldn’t have had any real competition from other films being released. I knew I was in for something painful when all of the production company logos that flashed onscreen as the movie was starting were studios I’d never heard of with logos I’d never seen. And as someone who goes to the theater at least three or four times a week and has been for years, I’ve seen virtually every studio logo out there. Immediately after the logos ended we got some onscreen text that went by so fast that I wasn’t even able to read it all, which is inexcusable. So why else is this so horrendous that studios didn’t want to release it and once they did there was no marketing involved? Well for starters the plot is absolutely ludicrous. I can’t speak to the book upon which this is based entitled “The Moon and the Sun” from 1997 but if the plot resembles anything that this adaptation has, then I suggest never reading the original source material. As someone who supports the 1st Amendment and freedom of speech/expression, even I would be tempted to have a book burning of all available copies. I don’t care enough to even go into the plot but watch the trailer posted above for a good idea of how cringe worthy the story is. The visual effects of the mermaid look horrible which makes sense since the visuals were done back in 2014/2015 and haven’t been updated since. The studio definitely didn’t want to pour money into updating visuals right before this was released when they knew they had a dud on their hands. Since the movie is set in the 17th century you’d at least hope the costume design, along with the hair & make-up would be spot on, since most period pieces at least get that much correct. Well you’d be wrong. While some women in modern times completely cake their faces with make-up, filling every poor pore that their face has to offer, this was not done centuries ago. Yes, men wore powdered wigs with make-up and make-up was certainly worn but how the make-up looks in this movie looked completely modern, over the top and ridiculous. The cast should be absolutely embarrassed to have been a part of this but at least I can understand the younger actors who are just trying to get work in Hollywood and make a name for themselves. There was no excuse for Pierce Brosnan (King Louis XIV) with his laughable wig on or William Hurt (Pere La Chaise) to take part in this. They must have had gambling debts or something to be desperate enough to take money for these roles. I’d consider prostitution before selling my soul to be in a movie like this. They felt so out of place and Brosnan hasn’t felt this awkward since he was “singing” in the “Mamma Mia” debacles. The editing was awful, particularly in the beginning of the movie when pauses between dialogue was trimmed, as if the film makers wanted to speed things up as quickly as possible. The score was overly sentimental and cheesy and the soundtrack was atrocious. Modern songs generally don’t belong in period pieces which is why you don’t hear a Beatles song in “The Passion of the Christ”, a When in Rome song in “Gladiator” or R. Kelly in “1917”. Even skilled directors like Quentin Tarantino injecting a modern rap song in “Django Unchained” felt out of place and didn’t work. This movie has multiple modern songs and they were all awful. The only praise I can give this monstrosity is for Kaya Scodelario’s leading protagonist role and the movie at least being short in length so you won’t have to suffer for long. A movie that should have remained shelved and never released, stick with seeing “The King’s Man” over “The King’s Daughter”.

#WilliamHurtingForAPaycheck / #MerMadeIn2014 / #SomeKindOfDutiful / #TheLadyInTheWater2 / #LostInPaleFace / #ATaleOfTwoFathers

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