3/10 The second movie in director Pablo Larraín’s planned biopic trilogy following 2016’s “Jackie”, “Spencer”, despite critical acclaim from the pretentious folks on Rotten Tomatoes, is an absolute bore. This movie couldn’t be more slow, dry and boring if it tried. It is quite the shame too because Kristen Stewart gives a career best performance and the production design and especially costume design will blow you away. The cast overall is fantastic, even if Timothy Spall has resting bitch face the entire movie and Sally Hawkins plays a live action Edna Mode from “The Incredibles”. While the acting ensemble is great with Stewart completely transforming into Princess Diana and the costumes could very well be Oscar nominated, the script and direction leave much to be desired. Screenwriter Steven Knight is a fantastic screenwriter but every once in a while surprises us all with an absolute dud (“Serenity” and now this). Whereas “Jackie” was disappointing (6/10), its hour and 40 minute running time moved things along nicely. Here, “Spencer” clocks in at a full two hours and you will feel every second of this snooze fest. Near the end of the movie we get a montage of Diana in different outfits at different ages running. It goes on way too long and serves no purpose to propelling the story forward. Another big problem is Diana herself. While she is clearly suffering from manic depression, she is an absolute chore to spend two hours with. Despite being one of the most privileged people in the world, she is a depressed and selfish emo kid for the entire duration. The entire movie basically goes like this…Diana, being royalty and all, is supposed to go to certain events and wear certain articles of clothing. Diana completely ignores any and all protocol, is late to every function, making everyone (including the Queen) wait on her as she has a meltdown about her wardrobe and having to close the curtains. Repeat that scenario about four or five times and that is the entire plot of “Spencer”. We get it, she is unwell and depressed. The movie tells us nothing more about her than that. The only moments she is bearable is when she is with her two sons, having fun. Yet even her sons see how unwell she is to the point where she is unfit to have custody of her children. Jonny Greenwood scores the movie and his “Phantom Thread” score is easily one of the best scores of the past five years. I was so excited to listen to what he crafted here and while several tracks are perfect, quite a few sound like film noir jazz scores from the 1930’s mixed with an episode of Damien Chazelle’s “The Eddy”. The jazzy numbers feel jarring and out of place. Despite an Oscar nomination worthy performance from Stewart (I’d still give the edge to Jessica Chastain for “The Eyes of Tammy Faye”) and some wonderful production values, the uneven score, shallow plot, unbearable lead character and snail’s pace make this a painful movie going experience to get through that I wouldn’t recommend to anybody. If you need your Princess Diana fix that won’t put you to sleep, the fifth and final season of “The Crown” is just a year away.

#DowntonCrabby / #TheFrown / #RoyalPainInTheAss / #GirlWithAPearlNecklace / #BlandBoleyn / #PrincessDry

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