0.5/10 The opening scene of this movie has a remote control plane crashing into a house. The feeling of what I imagine it would be like to be in an actual plane crash foreshadows how this absolute piece of garbage will make you feel throughout. “Monster Hunter” now has some really stiff competition for the worst movie of 2020 and something that took all of the restraint I had possible to not walk out of the theater. Sometimes I would go to a theater and be the only person in the entire theater due to the Chinese virus being more prevalent months ago. Other times, like when I saw this, I was the only sad sap in the theater because no one wants to watch lowest common denominator trash like this. Why am I crapping on this movie so hard? Allow me to relive the horrors by recalling as much as I can about this movie before I get sick and have to stop. From the opening moments with an obviously CGI airplane zooming through the city and people reacting in extremely over the top ways (throwing their full baskets of laundry for no reason), I knew I was in for a painful experience. The plot is so unrealistic and laughably over the top, our two lead characters couldn’t be more annoying if they tried, the movie wreaks of “made for TV” cheesiness, etc. One of the worst elements was how prejudiced and offensive the movie portrays all Americans. Every American shown in the entire movie is either obese, stupid/ignorant, a redneck or an evil villain. Imagine if the tables were turned and all the American characters were Godly, saint like people and all the Mexicans were criminals, drug lords, bad people, etc. As someone who doesn’t get offended, the only thing about the movie that offended me was how the Hell this even got made with such an atrocious script but its portrayal of everyone outside of Mexico was extremely bigoted. The movie had zero laughter but tons of predictability. I sat in awe of just how dumb everything was and how insanely annoying these characters were. I felt no emotional connection to them losing their father and moments were either coincidences or made no sense. A character steals a goat but then magically happens to have a leash, despite not owning any other pets, not having stolen the leash with the goat and not knowing that he would be taking the goat until the moment he did it. Moments like that are supposed to be funny but you stop and think and realize this guy is a thief who is hurting someone’s livelihood by stealing from them, yet we are supposed to root for them? Early on in the movie, one of the brothers is getting married and his fiancé talks about how she will have 60 friends at the wedding while he will only have three. When we finally see the wedding ceremony at the end of the movie, there are absolutely no guests, as if the film makers couldn’t afford the extras to be party guests that were talked up earlier. I was very close to giving this filth a 0/10 but the half a point came from the actor’s dedication to their awful characters as the acting was fine. Make sure you tell everyone you love and care about to never come anywhere near this cinematic abortion as I would rather have cartels bring drugs across the border than DVD copies of this movie. I pray to God the morons behind this movie are never given the opportunity to make another movie again for all of our sakes.

#HalfConcocted / #TheyreNotSendingTheirBestMovies / #NotTheGOAT / #PlanesPainsAndAutomobiles / #BlandOfBrothers / #HalfAssed

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