0.5/10 Perhaps the worst movie in an absolutely awful year, it feels fitting to close out a garbage year with a garbage movie. “Writer/director” (and I use those terms loosely) Paul W.S. Anderson seems to have actually gotten worse over the course of his career, having devolved from the “Resident Evil” movies which were at least fun, guilty pleasure flicks to what is easily his worst movie with “Monster Hunter”. It is no coincidence that Anderson likes to adapt video games into movies since his characters are written as thinly as a 2D side scrolling video game character from the early 1990s. Anderson not only writes the worst script of his career here but he blatantly rips off so many vastly superior films within the movie’s opening 20 minutes. Need examples? Very well. Within the opening several scenes we see rip offs of the sandworms from “Dune”, the unknown lifeform laying eggs that hatch in someone’s body from the “Alien” franchise and the Shelob’s Lair scene from “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King”. That’s just in the opening half hour. We also get rip offs of “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” with a pirate ship moving on sand, a slow motion fight in the rain from “The Matrix” franchise, dragons from “Reign of Fire”, closing a wound with gunpowder from “The Revenant” and dozens of other moments ripped straight from other films. There isn’t a single original moment in this movie. Besides how hard this rips everything else off, the dialogue is worse than any porno you’ve ever seen. The dialogue between the military members at the beginning of the movie is so cringe and so awkward, you can tell someone who watches a lot of military movies but has never served or spoken to anyone who has, clearly wrote this. It gets so bad that our characters literally go from teleporting to an unknown area and getting thrashed around violently in their vehicles to singing an Army song with childlike joy only minutes later, as if nothing traumatic just happened. Unbelievable. As for that moment earlier ripped from “The Revenant”, our lead protagonist (Milla Jovovich) not only has a massive leg injury that would surely be infected but she also has rib damage and has the crap kicked out of her yet she is not only able to walk without a limp, but she can sprint at full speed, leap through the air the with greatest of ease and other impressive physical feats that non-injured people would have a hard time pulling off. None of the characters are developed whatsoever, most of the CGI is questionable at best and the movie’s score sounds like composer Paul Haslinger took film scores of Junkie XL and Daft Punk, removed the talent, added some video game sounds and crapped out whatever was leftover. Just when you thought that 2019’s “Cats” adaptation hit an all-time low for felines in film, this movie introduces the world to Meowscular Chef, a CGI cat that specializes in cooking and combat. This is not a joke…but I wish it was. In a final insult, the movie sets itself up for a sequel that will hopefully never happen. I love when movies are more preoccupied with setting up world building follow ups than they are making at least one decent movie to start things off. You know your movie is trash when China will create a planet ruining disease but won’t accept this atrocity into their theaters. The sloppy direction, manic cinematography and quick cut editing will be an assault on all of your senses but particularly your common sense. Anderson needs to call up Uwe Boll to inform him that he has some competition when it comes to directors making the worst video game adaptations known to man. When it comes to hunters, I’d rather spent a few hours with crack head Hunter Biden than “Monster Hunter”.
#DevelopedByCrapCom / #ArtemisFoul / #TipTotallyIncompetentHarris / #MeaganBadMovie / #TonyJaaDroppinglyStupid / #BeautyAndTheBeasts
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