2/10 In March of 2019, I reviewed “Serenity” with Matthew McConaughey and gave it a 3/10. Near the end of the review I wrote, “I almost want to recommend it just so everyone can lose their minds at how insane this movie is…” Which brings us to “Wild Mountain Thyme”, a movie where I can basically state the exact same thing. This definitely isn’t as crazy or out there as “Serenity”, but the twist at the end (which I won’t spoil), is so out of left field, so nonsensical and so baffling that it was stunning that everyone at the studio and all of these fine actors agreed to make a script with such a “WTF” plot twist in the movie’s closing 20 minutes. It wasn’t just the unbelievable reveal near the end that basically made this movie a disaster but that twist is what will stick with me long into the future. As for the other countless problems this movie has, here are some of the bigger ones…Jon Hamm’s character is a super attractive, extremely wealthy New York business man. The movie wants us to believe that he A) wants to randomly take up farming and B) can’t find a love interest in NY, which is literally impossible when you look like Jon Hamm. You could find one woman per day if you wanted to. The movie also wants to convince us that after one day with Emily Blunt’s character and only one shared kiss, he is already in love with her (completely contradicting their dinner time talk where he preaches being realistic in life). Another big problem is how stupid Jamie Dornan’s character is. Emily Blunt throws herself at him constantly and wants to be with him and he drags his feet, ignoring her advances but then he plans to propose and then he doesn’t. Seeing him go back and forth with himself instead of just making a decision one way or the other was infuriating and then when Jon Hamm tells him he wants to marry Blunt’s character, he gets mad. You only have yourself to blame, bro. You could have proposed at any moment in the last 10 years and Blunt would have said “YES!” but instead you do nothing and then get upset when someone else wants to wife her up. A big subplot involves a ridiculous land dispute which felt tedious and unrealistic. There were so many animal reaction shots (a character does something silly and the movie cuts to an animal’s face for their reaction) that I thought I was watching a Dr. Doolittle movie for a minute. The script and direction are pretty terrible with the beauty of Ireland meant to distract us from how awful this is. Speaking of Ireland, since I don’t really know any Irish people, I admit I can’t speak on behalf of how good or bad these British actors doing Irish accents are. If any Irish person reads this, you can let me know in the comment section how you thought they faired. The strange mix of Irish folk music with Tchaikovsky’s “Swan Lake” music was jarring and out of place. The movie is terribly edited as we cut from one scene to the next, sometimes with a 10-minute gap between scenes and sometimes with a 10-month gap between scenes and we just have to figure out what length of time has passed, which was always changing. Big, important scenes get skipped over, like they cut certain scenes to save time or something but it made the editing very clunky and sporadic. There are only a couple aspects that didn’t insult me with how poorly they were done. The cinematography got the job done and Ireland was a beautiful location for this movie. The acting was fine and the pacing went by quickly so you were always entertained. That being said, I would only recommend this if you want to have your mind blown by the ridiculous plot twist near the end but know going in that this is a terrible movie and I’d rather watch the Disney Channel Original Movie “The Luck of the Irish” or “Darby O’Gill and the Little People” on a loop than sit through this wild mountain crime again.
#BeeMovie2 / #IrishThisMovieDidntSuck / #RosemaryAndThyme / #TheGateOfTheFurious / #FiftyShadesOfGreen / #GrillTheIrishman