2.5/10 Well it is Christmas week and it would appear my lump of coal arrived early this year. A bad year ends with a bad Christmas movie which seems fitting as we all look forward to 2021 and I look forward to never having to rewatch or even think about this movie again. Before I deservedly crap on this disgrace of a movie, I will point out a couple of the only redeeming aspects the movie has going for it. The biggest being our co-leads, Emma Roberts as Sloane and Luke Bracey as Jackson (he seems like he’d be a cousin to the Hemsworth brothers). Roberts and Bracey do their best with the awful script they were given and they have fantastic chemistry and great screen presence, making them fun to watch. The overall idea of the plot of having two platonic people be each other’s dates exclusively for holidays was also a clever idea. Seeing all of the holidays and how things progressed between our lead characters was fun to see them change as the calendar did. That is where my praise ends. This is one of the most cliché, uninspired scripts I have seen come alive in a long time. During a New Year’s Eve party scene, Sloane comments how predictable romantic comedies are and you already know what will happen from just looking at the poster. Not a great thing for your lead character to insult since your movie is the exact same thing. The logline of the movie reads, “Fed up with being single on holidays, two strangers agree to be each other’s platonic plus-ones all year long, only to catch real feelings along the way.” You don’t even have to see a poster or watch the trailer. You can read what the movie is about and already know exactly how it goes. “Screenwriter” (I use that term loosely) Tiffany Paulsen doesn’t have a single original idea presented in the movie and often mistakes vulgarity with comedy. We have the couple who start off disliking each other, only to fall in love along the way. We have the chase down your partner to make a big speech in front of a crowd of supportive observers near the very end. Think of any cliché in a romantic comedy and you can most likely find it here but done poorly. None of the supporting characters feel like real people and are extremely one note. A subplot involving a wife cheating on her husband at a party ends with her getting outed and then absolutely nothing happens. We flash forward to the closing credits (riddled with awful photo shopped imagery) only to find that couple completely happy, their marriage issues completely unaddressed and magically resolved. Paulsen didn’t want to take the time to write about the aftermath of a spouse cheating so she lazily just skips to the happily ever after ending. The last insult to the audience is that for a romantic “comedy”, there are no laughs to be had here. If you find children dropping the F bomb, a 50-year-old woman dressing and acting slutty and unbelievable coincidences (a doctor character always showing up anytime anything medical is going on in the movie) to be hilarious, then maybe you will find this funny but if your IQ is over 12 like mine is, then you won’t. This is the worst thing to happen to Christmas since the 2009 attempted terrorist attack from the Nigerian terrorist shoe bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. For a movie that pretends to be happy and joyous that will put you in the Christmas spirit, this is a movie you will HoliHate.
#ASloaneColdFox / #TheSlutcracker / #HolidazedAndBemused / #PointBreakUp / #HolidayGlee / #SloaneForTheHolidays