1.5/10 If I had to sum up this movie in one phrase it would for sure have to be “waste of time”. One of the only positive aspects of this garbage heap is that it is roughly an hour and twenty minutes long, so your suffering (if you are unfortunate enough to watch this) won’t last long since the pacing flies by. I am a fan of Jeff Garlin and even though this movie is a travesty, I found that like Adam Sandler, he is extremely likeable whether the movie he is in is great or awful. Garlin’s loveable everyman side and the quick pacing aside, nothing else works here. The plot feels like a bad “Saturday Night Live” or “MAD TV” sketch that has been stretched out, there are maybe one or two chuckles to be had but you won’t laugh out loud once and there is no character development to be found. Every character is extremely one note, essentially being one lined descriptions of a person and nothing more. Lovable loner, raunchy sidekick, slutty neighbor, etc. In the case of Natasha Lyonne’s sidekick detective character, the movie misconstrues vulgarity for humor. Characters who show up for one or two scenes feel more like they were Garlin’s friends who wanted to be in the movie as opposed to a worthwhile character worth having exist. Garlin sticks his two sons in a completely pointless scene that could have been cut out of the movie and not changed anything but forces the scene in just to include his family. The very opening clip before the movie even starts is a character giving away a massive spoiler for the upcoming movie. Not that you will care since you would have seen that villain reveal coming from a mile away anyways but its inclusion is completely nonsensical and pointless. Plot threads go nowhere and/or feel unresolved, as if Garlin and co-writer Andrea Seigel gave up halfway through writing the script and said, “Who cares? Let’s just wrap it up.” This movie just feels like it ultimately has no point. Since Garlin writes, directs, acts, etc. perhaps he knew he would get a big fat check from Netflix and the movie is low budget so Netflix most likely didn’t have to shell out too much to make this. In the early days of Netflix original movies, they seemed to want to snatch up anything and everything they could, regardless of quality, just to build their own library and this feels like they snatched it up and distributed it without having read the script or having watched it. Garlin has done some good work in his career and is a very likeable guy but there is nothing handsome about this ugly viewing experience. Avoid it like you would being decapitated.

#HandSomethingToNeverWatch / #ShallowEndOfTheGenePool / #ForksOut / #AmericanDie / #TheDefectiveDetective / #ASenselessKillingAndASenselessScript

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