Cloverfield

2/10 I remember watching the Super Bowl back in 2018 and the world premiere of the trailer for this dropped, which at the time looked like a big deal. Netflix ended up scooping it up from Paramount, preventing it from getting a theatrical release and now, two years later, I can see why. If this turd would have been released in cinemas, it would have lost Paramount a lot of money from poor word of mouth (same goes for the very recent “The Lovebirds” except at least that movie didn’t have the budget that this one had). Upon re-watching the first two films in the Cloverfield cinematic universe, it was time to check out the latest one and I now wish I hadn’t. To get the only positive aspects out of the way first, Gugu Mbatha-Raw gives a really solid performance as one of the lead actors here and the visual effects/production design worked really well. That is literally where the positives end. Despite a mega talented cast, everyone except for Raw is completely wasted due to the terrible script giving these fine actors nothing to work with (Elizabeth Debicki’s role has her acting on autopilot, completely squandering her talents). None of these characters get developed at all so we have absolutely no emotional connection to any of them and could care less about what their fates are. Another space shuttle sized problem with the script is just how cliché it is. Take sections from every science fiction, space set film from “Armageddon” to “Alien” and everything in between and sloppily throw it all together and you have this rip off. From the bickering crew’s infighting to a character sacrificing themselves for the mission to characters getting killed off one by one, this movie brings absolutely nothing new to the table that hasn’t already been done before in far superior films. To top off the unoriginality, this isn’t even really a Cloverfield movie. Imagine for a moment that you’re watching an action movie that has absolutely nothing to do with James Bond. No actors from the current Bond universe, no Q, no M, no gadgets, etc. Just a generic action movie. Now imagine the very last shot of that movie that James Bond cameos and says his famous, “Bond. James Bond” line and then the movie ends. Would you call that a Bond film, have 007 in the title and market it as a Bond film? Absolutely not. That is how much Cloverfield related content is in the movie. Literally four seconds with right before the end credits roll. Before you tell me that “10 Cloverfield Lane” similarly didn’t have much Cloverfield content, it had a good ten to fifteen minutes of it and that film was able to get away with it because it is actually a great and underrated film from start to finish. I might be slightly more forgiving if this movie didn’t suck so bad. Go watch “10 Cloverfield Lane” but feel free to avoid this sci-fi rip off because you would rather get (para) doxxed than watch this clunker again.

#BeyondTheFrights / #10CloverfieldLame / #CloverAndOut / #DowdHillFromHere / #ItsBrühlAndUnusualPunishmentToSitThroughThis / #ChangeTheSpaceStation

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