Countdown

1/10 I had low expectations for this movie as I do with most low budget, non-independent horror movies but I had no idea when I stepped into the theater that I would be about to watch the worst movie of 2019. Before I even get into specifics, you should know that the plot of this movie is that an ancient demon has essentially learned phone app technology so it could use its demonic powers to be modern and keep up with the times. There are SO MANY questions and plot holes that deflate this joke of a script. Did this demon page people their time of death back before cell phones were a thing? How does the demon go after people in third world countries who can’t afford cell phones or have no internet access? If the curse is broken, is everyone on the planet freed from their death countdown or only the person and their loved ones who broke the curse? Why was this piece of crap made? From the opening scene of some teenagers sitting around playing cards, the dialogue was so unnatural and set the tone for what was to come (a girl calls another girl, “biotch” unironically as teenagers often do). There is the fact that almost every location in this movie, particularly hospitals, are damn near abandoned whenever the plot needs characters to be alone. Never mind that hospitals are always pretty busy places or that bathrooms are rarely empty in heavily populated places. An abandoned part of the hospital that is a huge safety risk/potential for serious lawsuits has nothing preventing people from stumbling into it. There are two priest characters who are complete jokes and are written like cartoon characters. The second priest in particular is supposed to be comic relief but isn’t funny at all and is only there to drop brand names as a cheap way of shilling product placement in the movie. The countdown app itself is in white unless the “years”, “months”, “days”, “minutes” or “seconds” drops to zero, in which case that section of the countdown turns red, while the continuing sections counting down remain in white. Yet when the main character’s sister has zero years and zero months left to live and is on the days/minutes section of the countdown, a quick shot shows the years and month sections in white, which is a minor problem but its inconsistency just shows how lazy these film makers and editor(s) were and how they didn’t care at all. The exposition is clunky, a post credits scene doesn’t make sense with what was previously shown in the movie, a forced set up for a sequel that I pray to Christ never happens is inexplicably jammed in, the score is forgettable, characters make classic terrible decisions in true horror movie form, etc. Some social commentary on the #MeToo movement has the subtlety of a demon murdering someone and having a parent deceased is ripped from every Disney movie ever made. The only reason I am giving this a 1/10 instead of a .5 or 0 is because there are a couple genuine scares and the running time is short so the movie thankfully flies by. I haven’t seen something this evil and unable to be deleted from a phone since Apple forced U2’s “Songs of Innocence” onto the new iPhone 6s. Avoid this joke of a movie like you’d avoid viruses on your cell phone and let’s hope that this writer/director is killed by a demon before a sequel can be forced upon us.

#DiEPhone / #crApp / TheFinalCountdown / #MeBoo / #SevenDeadlyQuinns / #SlaysAnatomy

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