Stuber

1.5/10 With a trailer showcasing an entertaining, funny looking buddy comedy, this ended up feeling like a hate crime to sit through. There is so much wrong with this movie that it is hard to pick where to begin. The obvious flaw is that this is supposedly a comedy, except it isn’t funny and the only semi amusing moments are spoiled in the movie’s trailer. There are so many over the top, dumb moments that have absolutely no basis in reality. I get that this is a comedy not to be taken seriously, but when you have no resemblance of anything realistic, your suspension of disbelief begins to fade away. The plot is set in motion by Dave Bautista as a cop whom needs an Uber driver (I wonder how much Uber outbid Lyft to end up in this disaster) because he just had LASIK eye surgery so he can’t see. As someone whom has had corrective eye surgery, I had to stay in bed with all the lights off for several days so my eyes could heal. In this movie, hours after surgery, our lead character is in a restaurant during the day time (he doesn’t even close the blinds on the window directly next to him), in a car during the day time, outside in broad daylight and other extremely lit places where he would not be able to open his eyes or see anything. They could have had the events of this movie happen two or three days after his surgery to make things more realistic but that would have made too much sense. Kumail Nanjiani overacts and tries way too hard here. Despite being a lovable guy, the whiny yelling in his voice starts to really take a toll on our ears over time. Both leads are so far to the extreme (extremely manly and emotionless/extremely scared and emotional) with no realistic in between whatsoever. Bautista’s character’s last name is even Manning, just so we know what a MAN he is. Characters make dumb decisions left and right, none of the fight sequences are awe inspiring or memorable, Karen Gillan is completely wasted, the exposition is clunky and painful, a plot twist involving a mole in the police force is cliché and unnecessary, etc. There was potential to have fun with this team up and premise but with such a humorless script that tries way too hard, this movie becomes a cinematic flat tire. The only positive aspects the movie has going for it is the lean run time that keeps the pacing strong, an entertaining opening scene (even though it is ridiculous) and some decent ideas. The only two real female characters are Bautista’s daughter whom in no way would have a relationship with her father at her age based off of how he has treated her for years and a generic love interest for Nanjiani, whom doesn’t have much of a personality except being an overly emotional woman, which feels insulting to women. Like an electric car with no charge, this lifeless movie will make you want to immediately get an Uber to get you home and as far away from the theater as possible. Avoid this like rush hour traffic.

#TheBigVic / #StuPid / #OneStarReview / #2019StubaruDescent / #GuardiansOfTheFordGalaxy / #StyxShift

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