1.5/10 I remember wanting for years for Guillermo del Toro to finish his “Hellboy” trilogy and direct a third movie in his set of Hellboy movies. He developed it for a long time and ultimately moved on and now we have this. I rewatched those first two movies in preparation for this one and they are not good movies at all. The more Guillermo del Toro movies I watch the more I realize that he is not a good director and one of the most overrated ones working today. That being said, his two bleh Hellboy movies are still light years ahead of this absolute disgrace of a movie. I’m glad this bombed at the box office because it truly deserves to and I highly doubt we will see another Hellboy related movie for a very long time. When this was announced I thought it had some inspired casting and was very happy to hear it would be given a hard R rating and was to be directed by underrated director Neil Marshall, whom has directed a couple underrated movies and some amazing TV episodes from “Westworld” and “Game of Thrones”. There was a lot of behind the scenes fighting and turmoil with Marshall and the producers of this movie and with the actor playing Hellboy, David Harbour. The chaos comes through in the overall quality of this movie. It doesn’t help that regardless of all that drama that the script is terrible. There are so many horrendous one liners and massively failed attempts at humor which was all very cringe worthy. Harbour himself is great on “Stranger Things” but he was awful as Hellboy. Not since Matthew McConaughey in “Serenity” has a character done so much terrible yelling in a movie. Thomas Haden Church is in the movie for about two minutes and is completely wasted. There is absolutely no character development with any of the supporting characters. Hellboy’s relationship with his father was done much better in del Toro’s movies and we really don’t care about their relationship here because they have no chemistry. The villain is boring and forgettable. The cheesy voiceover and exposition at the very start of the movie let us know we are headed for a bad cinematic experience. Part of the plot involving Hellboy bringing about the end of the world is stolen straight from the previous movies. Also like del Toro’s movies, the soundtrack is awful and feels like it is already dated 15 years. The score is grating and disposable. The movie’s running time also drags on too long and we feel every excruciating minute of it. Some of the special effects look like they are from a TV movie. The previous two “Hellboy” movies had better special effects and those are over a decade old. There is an end credits scene that hilariously tries to set up for a sequel that thankfully will never happen. Perhaps they should have focused more on this movie instead of looking too far ahead to the future. The only positives I can say about this fiasco are that I did appreciate the hard R rating and how the gore matched up with the dark subject material and some of the action scenes were fun and entertaining. Those minor positives are no reason to justify ever watching this terrible movie. Neil Marshall deserves better than this and here’s to hoping he bounces back. I’d rather go to Hell than have to sit through his dumpster fire of a movie ever again.
#WhatTheHellBoy? / #IreAndGrimGroan / #HellBoyhood / #YellBoy / #DevilHeaded / #YourApocalypseAreSealed