3/10 The original “Jurassic Park” was my favorite film growing up and the film that made me realize that films could be more than mindless entertainment to kill a few hours. They could be art. They could change lives. They could tell stories. I’ve faithfully followed this franchise through its ups and (mostly) downs. “Jurassic World” was a fun but flawed film. It had some redeeming features but also many problems. I had hoped that at worst, this film would be the same but I was wrong. Although I don’t think it is quite as bad as franchise worst “Jurassic Park III”, this is the second worst film in the franchise and easily a huge disappointment for me that is plagued with numerous problems. I will give it credit for its two leads being charismatic (Bryce Dallas Howard’s character has improved from the previous film) and having great screen presence. The visual effects are also jaw droppingly gorgeous and the director changes up the previous film’s sunny, day time brightness with a dark, night time, horror like tone that was more fitting for a film like this. That is about where the positive aspects end. The script is absolutely abysmal and I can’t believe the studio didn’t make the writers take several more passes at the script before giving this the green light (I guess they just knew this would make money regardless so they didn’t care). The new younger characters who tag along on the mission are the worst additions and them being there makes absolutely no sense. The girl is there to be a veterinarian to the dinosaurs, but has never seen a dinosaur in person before. So why not get the actual veterinarians whom worked at Jurassic World when it was still open and functional instead of this random girl? Her annoying male counterpart equally had no business being here and is easily the most annoying part of the film. The film also disregards information from the previous film, hoping the audience won’t notice. For example, the giant underwater dinosaur from “Jurassic World” that was in a SeaWorld type section of the park was in the very middle of the island, unconnected to the ocean (so the dinosaur couldn’t escape) yet in this film, its tank is magically transported on the outskirts/border of the island so it can be connected to the ocean and it can break out. This complete disregard of continuity is insulting to anyone with an above average IQ. There is an auction scene that has the most cartoonish, over the top characters bidding on the dinosaurs that was completely laughable. James Cromwell plays a character who was very close to John Hammond (yet was strangely never mentioned by him in any previous films, despite him playing a pretty important role) and there is a lot of stuff that goes on in his own house that he is oblivious to that was completely eye rolling. There were far too many nods to the original “Jurassic Park” that all they accomplished was made me wish I was watching that film instead. A little girl in the film is chased by a dinosaur in a mansion and somehow unrealistically always manages to escape it. The dinosaurs are fast and brutal while they devour some people but then take their sweet time moving slowly with more important characters. The little girl hides in an elevator shaft that is encased in wood and when the dinosaur runs full speed at it, he can’t break through the old wood and falls back in disarray; even though he has been busting through glass and hanging dinosaur bones for the last 20 minutes. There are so many plot points that I could call out for how devastatingly stupid they are (as the volcano on the island erupts, the main T-Rex is 20 seconds away from being engulfed but then is discovered to have magically been scooped up within seconds somehow by an aircraft transport/a key reveal is handled extremely poorly/a giant plot point is introduced near the end and then never touched upon again/Jeff Goldblum is wasted) but this review would triple in length and I won’t do that to you all. In closing, since the same screenwriters from the last two films are returning (and Colin Trevorrow is directing), I officially have no faith in the final part of this new trilogy and hope the park can remained closed so it doesn’t further spit on the franchise that started with such a perfect film.

#MalcolmXpert / #IngenTrouble / #FallenIQ / #GetsABadRaptor / #YoureMyBoyBlue / #DinosauryYouHadToWatchThisFilm

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