3/10 While I admittedly have not seen either of the Angelina Jolie movies since they came out, watching clips and videos from them recently have made me see how absolutely terrible they look. I am sure I enjoyed them as the middle schooler I was when they came out because I had not yet developed taste in film and the power of Angelina Jolie’s boobs held strong on me but I guarantee if I were to watch them again, they would be garbage. That being said, I figured this movie would have an easy job of surpassing those movies and perhaps even breaking the video game movie curse. Boy, was I wrong. Although I will take note that I enjoyed Alicia Vikander in the role (she is a very talented actress) and I am glad that they didn’t feel the need to bog the movie down by forcing a love interest on her, that is about where the positives end. Characters make impossibly stupid decisions, supporting characters are as well developed as the graphics in the original PlayStation “Tomb Raider” game, conveniences pop up all over the place, vehicular product placement gets shoved down our throats at the end of the movie, random things are only set up in a glaringly obvious fashion so they will come back to make sense later, etc. The plot is ridiculous, you will forget about the movie completely a month after viewing it and if you are going to rip off Indiana Jones, you might want to make your movie more fun. There is one scene in particular with characters standing on a floor that is collapsing and having to match up colors that feels like a 3rd grader wrote it. It was such a cringe worthy scene I thought I was watching the film adaptation of “Crash Bandicoot” for a moment. So many clichés get thrown around and it seems more concerned with setting up for a sequel (which I pray never happens) than it does with telling an original, creative, singular story. I have seen so many terrible video game adaptations that at this point I would rather Hollywood quit even attempting to make video game adaptations and adapt literally anything else. I will take another board game adaptation before I have to sit through this eternal loading screen of a movie.
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